Suicidal lover: a plea
I fell in love with a woman that doesn’t wanna be alive.
Suicidal ideation seemingly without motivation.
When she voices her frustration in my chest I get a heartbreak sensation.
When I see her in my mind- a house and child is the ideal destination.
I give it to the universe attempting to trigger manifestation.
Indirect attempts- she straddles life and death with contempt.
Hearing her deadly wishes, trying to keep a straight face as my whole body winces.
She’s endured more pain than she should’ve witnessed.
Abusive ex lovers and a broken relationship with a dead alcoholic mom poison her brain.
I’m afraid there’ll come a day when I get the phone call that she took a sharpened blade to her veins and she did it the long way.
Praying for a miracle because I need her to work through the pain.
It’s completely selfish because I don’t think I could survive that day- I mentioned before
Afraid that she’ll give up before we open the presents the future has in store.
She feels the darkness penetrate her core but in my life she’s a beacon of light- I’m seeing miracles I used to subconsciously ignore.
I wish that I could share this collection of thoughts with her, so she could learn to love herself more. Love herself at all- right now I’d settle for either or.
Instead of yearning for demise… together we could yearn for it all under sunrise skies.
I’d even settle for a sunset, years having passed- wrinkled hand in wrinkled hand having lived a life where on each other we chose to take a bet and every battle fought together is one we don’t regret.
Day by Day 