Radiating love this morning

I am so filled with love this morning, I don’t know if it’s like oozing from me or something because I’ve had two interactions with strangers initiated by them.

I’m up early because I have a mental health appointment this morning. As I pulled up to the clinic I go to, an older Hispanic man is walking out of the doors. He’s wearing a faded gray hoodie underneath a faded black Carhartt style coat. He walks with a cane and is missing most of his teeth, around his neck is a lanyard with his bus pass inside of it. He is lighting a cigarette and I’m half struggling to get my arm through my back pack arm hole, because I like to tighten the straps but forget to loosen when I take it off to make putting it on easier.

When he walks by me he says in Spanish, “Is it heavy?” It’s phrased as a question but also sounds like a statement. Finally having gotten my arm through I respond with a huge smile on my face, “No. No. Just a little tight.” After saying that I reach in my left pant pocket for my Newport shorts, take one out and light it with my light blue Bic lighter. The same man looks back at me and advises me to move away from the building because I’ll get scolded for smoking by the doors. Having been there before, I knew that smoking was not allowed where I was standing but from experience I knew I wasn’t going to get talked to about smoking there.

In that moment though, I took a cue from the man and followed him to the designated smoking area. I caught up to him fairly quickly because he takes small limping steps. When I’m next to him he says to me in a way that made me feel like he felt I wasn’t a stranger “I find out about my back surgery today, I have herniated discs and I’m in so much pain.”

“Which discs are herniated?” I ask, trying to be polite at that point. He reaches around to his back to show me. And then proceeds to tell me that whatever happens is Gods will but he’s praying that God allows him to have the surgery necessary to prevent any further pain. I don’t know if I smiled outwardly but inside I felt the warmth of the presence of my higher power with me. I nod and agree with him, because asking and accepting Gods will is so relevant to my life right now.

In that moment I was filled with a desire to talk about my relationship with God a little bit, I briefly explained to him that I also pray for Gods will and protection every day, but it wasn’t always like that. I explained to him that I grew up in a religious family and have always believed in God, but I chose my own path and on that path got addicted to drugs. I also told him I’m in recovery now and since getting in recovery I feel my relationship with God growing a little bit everyday. He smiled with his mostly toothless smile with pride, he didn’t have to say it but he felt as full by our interaction as I did. He continued the conversation with anecdote of his own, I feel like maybe he had a stutter or something because I could tell that in his excitement he was struggling to keep the words from coming out through ticks. He told me how one day he was super sick with the flu and had an appointment with a doctor but his flu was really preventing him from going anywhere that day. He said that at one point he must’ve passed out or fainted because he remembers having a conversation with his deceased son and being told that he still has work to do here on earth, that he has a testimony to share with people. He has a purpose left on this planet. He said that his son rushed him back into his body and when he open his eyes he was on the floor surrounded by the people lives with thinking he died. But said to me “I wasn’t dead, I had a choice and I chose to live.” My skin erupted into goosebumps and my heart filled a little more with love. We went our separate ways and I went inside to check in for my appointment.

After I checked in, I was walking away and I heard the receptionist talking about how badly she needs to start making coffee at home because she spend entirely too much money on coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts. Completely able to relate at one point, I turned around, excused myself for eavesdropping, and told her how much money I’ve saved by making my own coffee for the last 4-5 months. Which is close to 400 dollars. (I used to buy two Dunkin lattes a day.) The receptionist that checked me and the other one both were shocked, so I explained why it was so much. Then we spoke about making espresso in the home and I sat down. When I sat down there was an older Asian woman, she was wearing a mint green Puma hat, a matching green Columbia coat, with a beautiful tan and light green paisley scarf. Her accent was thick when she spoke up and told me that she has a coffee tree on her property in Hawaii and that she rolls and grinds her own coffee beans from home. She continues and says that she’s Thai and informs me that she’s been drinking coffee since she was ten years old, having drank coffee from a young age as well, I make a joke about that and it’s relation to my height. She asked me how old I am now and I tell her I’m twenty nine and she responds by telling me she’s seventy one. This lady looked older but I wouldn’t have put her a day past fifty five.

These interactions might seem trivial for someone who doesn’t have a good relationship with the universe around them but to me these interactions are the way that the universe takes care of me and tells me that I’m doing the work. When I’m not in a good place spiritually I’m not open to talking to people, I have my headphones in and I’m constantly glancing at my phone. This morning my phone was in my pocket and I was present mentally and spiritually for the information that I was receiving. I was capable of engaging with these people that during active addiction would’ve faded into the background.

I think The universe provides these things when we need them the most, it is now the evening and I’m in a good mental place. I was super productive today, made a bunch of phone calls I had to make, and even spent a little time with my three best friends. I’m waiting for my dinner to come out of the oven as I finish typing this post. Things are heading in the right direction again and I could not be more thankful for that.