I woke up this morning with tears in my eyes… and I cried… I allowed myself to cry and feel my feelings because I know feeling them will only help me in the long run. Realizing that I need to be single and making a promise to myself to stay single feels really big today. The pain from my ended romantic relationship felt really big earlier. I went to a meeting and I ended up reading out of the 12 and 12. Which is a book of the 12 steps.
I am feeling much better after reading- I am feeling like things are right sized again and find myself being in today. In this moment. But I am scared… But I know that if I stay in today… if I continue to live moment by moment I will get through this time and I will get work done. I will be better for this sacrifice tomorrow. I am better for it today.
I find that recovery involves a lot less work to stay off drugs and alcohol. The bulk of the work for me is healing the emotional baggage and trauma that I have carried my whole life. It’s in building and nurturing a dynamic relationship to my higher power. It’s in choosing to not indulge in toxic behaviors. Choices I didn’t even know how to make two years ago, one year ago. Today I can make them even if they are so painful and scary that my heart physically hurts. I am not alone though…
Day by Day 